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★ You’ll be doing jumps before you know it.

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★ Yeah, its a little blasphemous, but its funny.

Sorry We're Closed for the Holidays

★ Long live Baba Ghannouj!

★ At the mix, if you’re passing around ‘cups’ that are big enough to eat cereal out of, you should stop calling them ‘cups’.
That is all.

★ A good rule of thumb: try to avoid doing stuff that’d be awkward to explain in an ER.
That is all.

★ This is another example of the stupid laws that get passed in this country. What’s even funnier than these laws is that at some point these all had to be serious problems. It would’ve been funny to see #6 & 7 on cops.

1. Oral sex is illegal in 18 states, including Arizona. 

2. In Virginia, it is illegal to have sex with the lights on.

3. It is illegal for husbands in Willowdale, Oregon, to talk dirty during intercourse.

4. Sexual intercourse between unmarried couples is illegal in Georgia.

5. Engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal in Washington, DC.

6. In Connorsville, Wisconsin, it is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner is having an orgasm.

7. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

8. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal in Florida.

9. It is illegal in Utah to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

10. Sex with animals is perfectly legal for men in Washington state, as long as the animal weighs less than 40 pounds.

★ a lot of people assume that I like to spend my time helping people…this could not be further from the truth.
That is all

★ Today While I was hanging out at Kapiolani Park I saw the funniest thing. It was a round noon and it was a really nice day, so there were a lot of people out running in the park. I noticed this one particular guy running by us. He was kinda fat, but that’s not why I noticed him. A hot girl all sweaty in her spandex and listening to her iPod was running also. She came up from the rear and passed the guy. Then the guy tried to speed up to catch up with her. But just couldn’t keep up with her. It was effing hilarious! At one point he almost caught up with her, then quickly feel far behind and never made up any ground after that. It was almost like he thought ‘if I can keep up and run next to her, maybe she’ll talk to me’. Thats funny to me.

★ I thought this was pretty funny. “V A G I Z A”

★ Ok, lets just call it what it is. A ‘secret admirer’ is just a stalker with stationary.

★ Marketing a product in print ads is a lost art. Nothing gets your brands message across like this ad.

★ The expression ‘Have your cake, and eat it too’ really doesn’t make any sense. Why do people say ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too’. This is a phrase I’ve never really understood. It’s perfectly reasonable to want to eat a cake that you ‘have’. What the hell else are you going to do with a cake besides maybe pay tiny strippers to jump out of it; in which case you really shouldn’t eat it because that would just be gross. Seriously, you’ve got to assume that they all have at least one std for each stage-name they use. Sorry, I don’t know where I was going with that… Anyway, there really aren’t any other good uses for cake. I guess you could throw it in someone’s face. But thats a cliche generally reserved for pies. It might work if you’re trying to be ironic, but don’t expect anyone to get the joke. The moral of the story is: if you have cake, effing eat it!

★ I just found my weekend activity for at least the next couple of weeks.

★ I read an article on the BrooWaha Blog yesterday that was all too familiar to a situation I’ve been forced to deal with for a while now. Of course I’m talking about having to play tech-support for E-VER-Ybody I know. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself because this is a problem that every person in my industry is cursed with, but I don’t know a single person who is even remotely technology literate. So I feel like a rant is kinda justified.

The BrooWaha article deals with people taking their personal computers to the company IT guy. I can agree with most of the points made in the article except one. He says that its not personal, well for me sometimes it is personal. But for the most part, personal PCs at work are only a marginal problem for me.

I’ve already accepted that all of my friends and family are going to call me up every time windows pops up an error message, or they can’t connect to the internet, or their PC is running slow, or they want to buy a computer and need a recommendation…and, well you get the idea. Lately I’ve noticed that the volume of this ‘friend tech-support’ has been steadily increasing. This bothers me only because the number of incompetent computer-using friends has not changed. Clearly somethings not adding up. My ‘friend tech-support’ sphere has been bleeding into the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th degree. What’s happening is friends who I’ve helped before are volunteering my help to their friends, and their friend’s friends. This has caused me to become increasingly cynical about fixing peoples PCs. Its getting out of control! At this rate, it wont be long before my ‘friend tech-support’ sphere covers the entire north shore of Oahu. I’ve been trying to counter this growth by screening calls, and taking so long to fix the problem that they start to regret asking for help. But nothing seems to be working. I’m just at a loss right now…I’ll be experimenting with different methods.

★ This answers any questions you might have about the internet. From now on when people ask for help I’m just going to point them to this post. Paradoxically, if you need to watch this video, your computer probably isn’t powerful enough to load it.

★ Hmm.. Something seems off on this one, Jose. Would you and your girlfriend please step out of the vehicle?

★ I wish that ‘Butt-Load’ was a real metric. Right now the term ‘butt-load’ is very relative and could possibly cause some confusion in certain situations. For example, if I were to bring a 5 lbs bag of oysters to a BBQ with 6 people, that’s a butt-load of oysters. But a 5 lbs bag of oysters at a 20 person BBQ is kinda half-ass’d. If someone asks me to buy oysters, I want to be able to ask ‘one, or two butt-loads?’.

I’ve found references to the term ‘butt-load’ as meaning ‘about six seams’ which amounts to roughly 450 gallons; I also found a reference to ‘butt-load’ as a sailing term meaning ‘a little bit larger than a 50 gallon barrel.’

The Urbandictionary.com defines a ‘butt load’ as a term used to define a finite sum of something. Generally accepted as an amount somewhere between a lot and a shit-ton. Often noted when speaking in hyperboly and used for extreme emphasis or exaggeration.

I think this is all much to convoluted for a term as commonly used as ‘butt-load’ is. All it would take is for a consortium or a group with a decent amount of authority to set a final, measurable, value for ‘butt-load’. In todays ‘web 2.0’ world, this may be a problem best suited for wikipedia. Wikipedia could easily crowd source a standard metric that could be generally accepted.

★ Random facts of life. pretty interesting stuff

★ This is by far the coolest website I’ve found today. I just can’t seem to stop going back to check it. Hilarity ensues.
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