★ A rodeo clown is probably gonna die today…I really don’t know how I feel about that…and THAT makes me a little sad

You may be wondering why a rodeo clown specifically. Well its actually basic logic. A rodeo clowns day probably starts off early with at least an hour of getting ready. He (yes, I’m assuming its a dude) puts on his clown outfit and makeup. He then spends his entire day working in a place that smells like animal crap. As if the smells weren’t bad enough he will inevitably step in a fresh pile of crap at least once through out the course of his day. All of this, the hours of preparation and crap, is for a job where his whole purpose is to be a target for a very large angry animal while looking ridiculous. A long day like this could only end with a full night of binge drinking at a remote roadside bar. This is the type of bar that is poorly lit and has a minimum of two registered (or unregistered) sex offenders, probably hanging out in the back by the jukebox that no longer works or by the door to the restrooms. When its time to head home because the bartender cut him off from the cheap whisky, he’s not going to have a designated driver, because…well because he’s a rodeo-clown…I think you can see where I’m going with this.

This happens, probably more than you know.

★ Why do people always get so offended when I tell them that I only listen to 50% of what they say? I’m willing to bet that LESS than 50% of what they have to say isn’t worth hearing anyway.
Get over yourself already, and stop pretending that anyone cares about more than 30% of what come out of your mouth. You know who you are.

I was thinking and came up with a good rule of thumb for mixing:

If your description of last night begins with the word ‘Apparently…’ you probably drank too much kava. ★

Alcohol causes so many problems. In fact most problems can probably be traced back to drunken stupidity. Perhaps the biggest problem is that I like these problems. This causes me to ask the question, “what is alcohol good for?”

- Alcohol is NOT a good excuse to cheat on someone.
- Alcohol is a good excuse for a one night stand (or even a one-week-stand).
- Alcohol is a good reason to drink more alcohol.
- Alcohol is a good way to kill time when you can’t sleep.
- Alcohol is a good way to forget about your problems.
- Alcohol is NOT a good excuse to makeout with your cousin!

Please drink responibly.